She entered the final epilogue of
a physical being mired in pain.
A mind immersed in grief
longing to be anywhere but in
its present state of being,
a slow, conscious and unconscious descent.
Having to let go without being in her presence before
taking that last breath
left me with a deep and raw sadness.
Along with a heavy dose of guilt
that had been living off the
perceived expectations lodged in my mind.
Assumptions associated with being the eldest daughter.
That same guilt I sheltered
driving away waving and watching
her in my rear view mirror.
She was standing alone in the driveway
of a home I was moving
from to a new chapter in my life.
All the while longing for the
previous chapter in her own life before dad died.
The desertion on her face etched hauntingly in my soul.
Never outwardly expressing
the burden I carried in silence up until the day
she entered the culmination
of her presence on earth.
My heart continues to grieve and the guilt subtly
remains in the background.
Her presence is everywhere.
along with her pearls of wisdom which come up
This has become her next chapter, a transition
into the metaphysical.
Her influence, everlasting.
My mother entered the hospital December 23rd, 2022, and took her last breath on December 29th, 2022. Her breathing tube had been removed and time was not on anyone’s side. I made last minute flight plans in the hopes of seeing her one last time.
Sitting in the Denver airport the morning of the 29th, my daughter and I called to…