Limbo and Vertigo
The past few months I have felt outside of myself, as if floating in the clouds. In limbo. Present enough to function in the day to day, but detached from more complicated matters. It began with some annoying imbalance issues and vertigo. My thoughts scattered and unstable. Brain fog had set in and, distracted, I was not able to concentrate for any period of time. My mind and body were obviously trying to tell me something.
I have found that when these issues occur in concert with one another, it is a sign that I need to slow down and reflect on the internal. In addition, I need to check in with my immediate environment and how it is affecting my overall health and well being.
When contemplating my vertigo experiences the past eight years, I realize they have all come at times of transition. I cannot fully explain this phenomenon and do not necessarily want to. It’s simply a time where I need to absorb that uncertainty and let it do its thing.
Admittedly, when experiencing the full-on effects of vertigo, I do seriously want to die. The spinning, imbalance, nausea, brain fog, listlessness is unbearable for me. I am a wimp when not feeling myself.
Luckily these sessions usually last no more that 24 hours. On the other hand, this particular time the residuals lasted several days to almost a week. Which gave me further impetus to explore the whys.
So after sitting with these recent feelings of suspension, I came to the realization that I am now indeed parentless. Dad since 2006 and mom just recently passed away. It is a bizarre and unsettling awareness. One that has me levitating between the past and the present.
There is a sensation of being untethered from whatever hold my mother and father may have had on me. And I do not mean that in a negative way. I think of it as more of a physical detachment because that is no longer possible.
Death is a natural progression for all universal beings, but it is one in which our modern human society does not do well in recognizing. Myself included. The imbalance that I have felt is a clear indication a shift is occurring. My parents are both gone, now what?